Bare Minimum

“Yeah, let me finish. Hold on, I think I am finished. Just be careful. I can’t see any guy being satisfied with just one night with you. You’re sort of addicting.”

“Shoot, now I feel kind of guilty about this plan.”

“Don’t. They’re grown men, they’ll know what they’re getting into.”

“They? I thought this was a one off so to speak.”

“Don’t nitpick at my words. Now what do you think of that fellow?”

”The one with the blue hair?”

“Yeah that one.”

“I don’t know, how am I supposed to tell from here?”

“Good point,” said Luci. “She probably has to smell him.”

“I have to do what? I’m not a dog you goof.”

“Trust me, it’s a chemistry thang. Walk over to the bar, lean over him and take a good sniff.”

Xoda tried to imagine doing just that and failed. “I’m going to have to take a rain check on that one, captain.”

Luci rolled her eyes. “It’s easy. Watch.” She got up and walked over to the bar. She waved some money over the shoulder of the guy with the blue hair and when the bartender took the cash she leaned over and smelled the neck of Blue Hair. She pointed to her nose with one hand so Xoda would know just exactly what was going on.

“Oh my lord, Carl, your woman is smelling up other men.”

“She’s a hoot, aint she?”

“She is that.” Xoda watched Luci come back to the table with three drinks. She grabbed two away and handed one to Carl. “Well, how was it?”

“A little too much patchouli.”

“Really,” said Carl. “That surprises me. I think of that as a hippy smell, not a punk smell.”

“What’s a punk smell like?”

“That’s not a real good train of thought there darling. Xoda do you like patchouli?”

“Depends on the guy. I knew this one guy at this office and he wore so much of it you could track him through the cubicles with it. It was kind of cool because I always wondered what it was like to be a bloodhound.”

“Go on and smell him and see if you like it,” said Luci.

“Okay, here goes nothing.” Clutching her drink for courage Xoda walked over to the bar and did what Luci had done. Too late she realized that she looked pretty silly waving down the bartender when she had a drink in her hand already. She took a quick sniff as inconspicuously as possible and was surprised by how nice he smelled. Sadly it wasn’t nearly inconspicuous enough and the guy turned to her and smiled.

“Is this a new bar game? Smell the stranger?”

“Yurk,” she said and then wished she could quietly vanish. Into an alternate dimension would be okay with her as long as she wasn’t in this one anymore, looking at this guy’s knowing smile. “Aw come on,” he said. “Please don’t look mortified. I’m Marty.”

“Xodiac.” She held her hand out for him to shake. He had nice hands and a tendril of warmth curled up her arm like a vine stretching to the sun. “Pleased to meet you. Are you going to sing tonight?”

“Sure I am. I was thinking about doing Tiptoe Through the Tulips.” Xoda hadn’t been aware you could choke when you weren’t drinking or eating anything. Marty whacked her on the back a few times. “Are you all right?”

“Yes, I’m fine. You don’t look like the tiptoeing type.”

He grinned and mussed his hair. “It’s the hair, isn’t it? I’m only wearing it like this for a play I’m doing.”

“Oh how cool. What show are you doing?”

“It’s called Spit in Your Eye. It’s off off off Broadway.”

“I guess so since we’re about 200 miles from New York.”

“You got it. I play a disenfranchised youth who turns to music to soothe his pain when his guinea pig meets an untimely death at the jaws of a Rottweiler.”

“How interesting.”

“Naw, it’s no good. I just took it because I need more credits. Are those your friends waving at us?”

“They are. Do you want to come sit with us?”

“Why not.”

#

Xoda watched Marty take the stage. “What do you guys think?”

“It doesn’t matter what we think,” said Luci. “It matters what you think. But I think he’s cute.”

“I’m secure enough in my manhood to say he has a nice ass,” said Carl.

“Well hell, cute and a nice ass, what else is there?”

“He has a nice voice too,” said Luci.

“Then hush up ladies, and let’s hear him use it,” said Carl. They all focused their attention on Marty who was singing Buffalo Soldier with great gusto and a little bit of tune. Luci giggled. Xoda made a hush up face at her.

“Oh poo, he can’t hear me. Don’t worry so much.”

“Huh,” said Carl. “I wouldn’t have figured him for reggae. He doesn’t look the type.”

“Can you imagine blue dreads?”

“Jah would not approve.”

Marty was deep into his song, eyes closed, feeling the pain of the buffalo soldier. Xoda couldn’t figure out how she felt. On the one had it was nice to see someone who felt passionately about their art or hobby or whatever. On the other hand he looked pretty silly. She decided to go with endearing and ignore her negative thoughts. He finished the song with a flourish and blew her a kiss as they clapped. “Ooh,” said Carl. “And you are in his pants, score!”

“You’ve got such a delicate way with words. Now hush, here he comes,” said Xoda. She smiled at Marty who sat down and put his arm around her shoulders. He leaned over and whispered in her ear.

“Want to head out of here?”

“Um, okay. Where did you want to go?”

“Your place?”

“No that won’t work. My roommate’s cat is sick.”

“Okay my place it is.” He got up, waved at Carl and Luci and headed out. Xoda gave them a wave and followed him.

“And so it begins,” said Carl.